by Keef Rutledge on May 2, 2012

I once played a two-hour game of cribbage with Lenin’s mummified
corpse. He kept beating me, even though I knew he didn’t have the
skills. After he got his third twenty-nine point hand in a row, I
grabbed his twig-like wrist and discovered that he was naught but a
marionette being controlled by Ashton Kutcher, who ran out from behind
a curtain, stuck his index finger in my face, and yelled “PUNK’D!” I
tore off Lenin’s head and forced Ashton to eat it.

(Keef Rutledge lives in Austin and can be seen at

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