by Keef Rutledge on May 16, 2012

Last week, I got into a squabble with the sandwich artist at Subway. It reached a crescendo when the woman turned to me and screamed, “Do you think your shit don’t stink?” I shed a single tear and fell into silence. I knew that even if I told her the truth, there was no way she would believe me. You see, my shit doesn’t stink. That is, my shit objectively smells better than everyone else’s shit. I’ve conducted years’ worth of laboratory research and double-blind tests on hundreds of subjects the world over. Every single person, given the choice between smelling my shit or smelling someone else’s shit, prefers mine. However, despite my research, whenever I mention these facts to someone with whom I am engaged in an argument, they dismiss it as hearsay or idle bragging. The truth, however, is this: My shit smells better than yours.

(Keef Rutledge lives in Austin and can be seen at

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Hugh Morris May 16, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Does it float down the Mississippi in a Fanny Farmer box ?


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