by Trixie Kitsch on April 24, 2012

I have twin sons who are age seven, and they have become a real handful! Twice now, when I had put them to bed, they sneaked out the window and played kickball with the neighbor kids until after 10 p.m.! I don’t know how to handle this problem. I have tried giving them a “time out” and removing their lap tops, but it does no good. Help!
—Harried Mother

Dear Harried Mother:
Remove their food. If they are bad — don’t feed them. Eventually they’ll either wise up and stop sneaking out or they’ll be too weak from hunger to leave the house. Either way you win.

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I am a new boss and have one Latino, a white person, and two blacks to manage. I am very worried that any policy I institute will be seen as biased by one group or another. How can I manage my new staff without having racial problems?
—A Boss With a Heart

Dear Boss:
If you treat them all poorly and with great disdain no one can accuse you of favoritism. I always try to despise people equally.

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At a local estate sale I found a set of 24 heavy wine glasses. They are marked with the initials I.D. and stand about 4 inches tall. They are quite ornate with a strange crossed symbol in several places. Are
they valuable? What are they?
— New Collector

Dear New Collector:
After careful and historic research I’ve discovered the marking I.D. stands for Il Duce. You’ve just bought a set of Mussolini’s Chianti glasses. Cheers!

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Trixie Kitsch is the nom de plume for Lisa Agnes Hammer. She was born in 1961 in Dubuque, Iowa, and studied fiction writing and fine art at The University of Iowa. Her writings have been published in “The L. A. Weekly,” “The Icon” and “Julien’s Journal.” Her first book, “Dear Trixie: Bad Advice for the Stupid,” was published in May of 2011 by Gasogene Press.

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