SLOWER TRAFFIC MOVE RIGHT, YOU MOTHERLOVING APPLE!

by Steve Clem on April 24, 2011

This blog should probably be written in at least two parts.

The focus is on horrible Minnesota drivers.

I’ve been collecting data on this for the last 20 some years. 12 as a resident.

But today, I hit my limit.

Driving home with my oldest (the youngest stayed back for Easter weekend to attend his buddy’s birthday party he just couldn’t miss), I reached a new low.

My son asked me to promise to stop swearing.

“I’m sorry, Nile. But these *&@#*& drivers are killing me!” I replied.

“Dad, can you promise me you can stop swearing for the last hour of the drive?”

“Yes. Yeah, I can do that…. @#*#!&!#&’n &^%$&!” I lasted less than 30 seconds.

“Really, Dad?” Nile asked with a condescending grin.

So I decided I could do it. I’d stop cussing for one hour.

Even if these drivers don’t get the simple things they should have learned in driver’s education.

The number one offense of Minnesota drivers?

They don’t understand that the left lane is for passing, the right lane is for slower traffic.

I encountered the following scenario exactly 5,032 times in the last 80 miles of my trip home today: Driving in the left lane, passing slower traffic. Suddenly there’s a logjam of cars. Two cars at the front are driving side-by-side, perhaps texting each other what they have their cruise control set at so as to make sure they can piss off* the maximum number of drivers.
*(My son doesn’t read this blog, so that use of a swear word is hereby declared “ineligible” for review by said son).

And mind you, this is always a logjam set at 61 MPH in a 65.

But, alas I was good for the rest of the trip.

Those motherlovin’ apples can kiss my God-amped ask!

They can just shut the front door!

Nard scratchin’ sons of beaches!

* * * *

Steve Clem originally published this piece on the blog A Prisoner in the Tundra.

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