A DATE WITH A MUMBLER

by Steve Clem on October 3, 2011

My first date back in the single game was quite interesting.

Sure, it wasn’t the Hickey Girl, or Tongue Ring Girl, but it was definitely not what I was hoping for.

Christy and I had been texting and emailing for about a week, and I decided I should probably talk to her on the phone before we meet.

When I called her, I could hardly understand anything she was saying.

I had been having trouble with my droid in the past few weeks, so I thought maybe it was just my stupid smartphone. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. WRONG!

On our date, as we sat down at the restaurant and started looking at the menu, I realized something.

First off, the picture she sent me recently saying it was two weeks old was more likely two years old. She looked nothing like her pic. (Ladies, seriously you do yourself no favor by using these tactics).

Secondly, my smartphone was just fine. She was not.

“I mumble mumble mumble hockey mumble mumble mumble LOVE mumble mumble.”

Huh? As she repeated her answer, she put her hand in front of her face. Because THAT always helps when you’re articulating and enunciating!

“I mumble mumble mumble hockey mumble mumble mumble LOVE mumble mumble.”

Ok, so she’s loves hockey I think.

As our appetizer came, she dove into them like she hadn’t had a meal in months. I was afraid to put my hand near the plate for fear that it might get bit.

“Mumble mumble LOVE mumble mumble these mumble.”

Ok, I think she loves the appetizer.

After about 30 minutes, it got so bad I texted a close friend and requested an emergency call – say my son got hurt at football, my apartment is on fire, whatever it takes!

Luckily she ate so fast that we were done before the call could be made.

I quickly walked out to my car, and as I was saying goodbye, I finally understood something she said. “I’d love to go out again sometime.”

I just looked at her with a blank stare.

“Mumble mumble mumble bye!”

* * * *

Steve Clem originally published this piece on the blog A Prisoner in the Tundra.

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