THE DEFINITION OF A FRIEND

by Steve Clem on October 7, 2010

You are a friend if you (check all that apply):

__ Make me laugh

__ Laugh at and/or with me

__ Teach me something new

__ Back me up when I deserve it

__ Tell me when I don’t deserve it

__ Tell me I’m a good cook, even though I’m not

__ Call me when you know I’m lonely

__ Leave me alone when you know I’m not lonely

__ Fed me when I was hungry

__ Called me “Clemmy”

__ Called me “Higgy”

__ Called me “dumbass”

__ Root for the Hawkeyes

__ Root against the Huskers

__ Know my “breakdancing” name

__ Have seen me with lots of hair, parted down the middle

__ Have seen me at my best. And my worst. And still acknowledge me.

__ You like me, you really like me!

Total up your points. (0 = You’re not my friend, 1 and greater = You’re my friend, and you rock, and thank you).

Good night. Tip your wait staff. Try the veal. I’ll be here through next Tuesday.

* * * *

Steve Clem originally published this piece on the blog A Prisoner in the Tundra.

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