HERE SOOOOOEEEEEEEY, SOOOOEEEEEEEY!

by Steve Clem on May 1, 2009

I may just be too cynical to be cynical at this point, but I’m confused at what the big deal is about the Swine Flu, aka H1N1 Virus, and the hype surrounding it.

I like pigs. A lot.

There’s bacon, and ham, and pepperoni. Canadian bacon, hot dogs (at least some part of the pig goes in there), and if you venture up into Canada, they even have back bacon. Pork chops, pork tenderloins, pork on a stick. *Pausing to wipe the drool off my keyboard*.

Not to mention my favorite pig, Floyd of Rosedale – a bronze statue trophy that the Iowa Hawkeyes and Minnesota Gophers play for each year. Ol’ Floyd spends alot more time in Iowa these days. I guess pigs are more at home there?

Ok, but back to this virus. I seriously have friends who are freaking out about this, as if they are about to die. Now I know that you can’t just scoff at the reports of a pandemic or epidemic, but at the same time, is it really worth the wasted energy to sanitize your entire house, dig a bomb shelter and put your kids in HazMat suits when you send them off to school?

I guess if I’m going to die, I’d rather have it be from a virus caused by making out with a pig then to have a man-eating pig eat me. It’s also much better than falling off a 30-story building into a vat of acid. Or falling down a flight of stairs into a bed of steaming hot nails.

I guess my point is, while it may make sense to stay home if you don’t feel well, and wash your hands when you are in public places, beyond that, if you are altering your life drastically, well, you are nothing but a Pigist. And I don’t have any time for any more haters in this world.

* * * *

Steve Clem originally published this piece on the blog A Prisoner in the Tundra.

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